He can only take two steps away, though, before his pathetic choked sob was all that split through the silence. He wants to turn around, and say something, he wants to make them both feel better but fuck if he doesn’t leave now he’ll just hurt him even more.
Black knows where his place is now, and it’s on the cold fucking ground because he’s nothing but a piece of trash. Sure, this might be an exaggeration, but after months of bottling everything up— that’s all he feels, all he knows.
And he’s a total idiot for thinking things would be better if he told Green anything else right after this fucking mess up. ]
“See you aro—” [ Pause. ] “— Bye, Green.”
See you.
( & he wants to say more, wants to settle it instead of keep it like the way it is, the way it will be; this wasn’t how he’d wanted it to go. Wasn’t how he wanted them to end up, how he wanted such a simple question to be answered.
Nothing’s where it’s supposed to be. )
And –
( & what, exactly? The effort probably isn’t even worthwhile, now; it’s been done & dealt with [ & in the shittiest way possible, mind you. ], over. There isn’t anything left to discuss, nothing to ramble on about until his ears rang & lungs gave out. There’s nothing.
It hurts and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He wants to do something— he wants this to stop hurting so much but what the fuckcan he do that hasn’t already been done. His heart is pounding and he knows— he knows he’ll probably break soon enough, but what the fuck does it matter?]
“— Sorry."
[ His hands shake with every breath, and those stupid, stupid stupid tears won’t stop pouring— he’s weak and he knows it; but he doesn’t care, he never cared. He knew all along that he’d always need someone to help him- be it his team or a friend, he can’t do anything on his own anymore.
He’s tired, he’s tired and it’s because of that he’s ended up yelling at someone he cares about- someone he considered a best friend.
..No. He probably doesn’t even deserve to call Green his friend anymore. ]
"I— I should just— go.”
Yeah.
( & he repeats it, once, twice – however many times it takes for him to get it straight, say it clearly. But he doesn’t, not now, not after the tenth time he’s said the same stupid phrase; voice trembles alike the hands of the other, gaze wanders here, there – everywhere but at the one in front of him.
There’s nothing that he wants to do about it anymore, nothing to say, nothing to bicker & tear at each other for; there’s nothing. )
I –
( Stops himself mid-way, teeth gritting at nothing, hand covering quivering lips because of nothing, nothing at all. )
[ He says nothing. There is nothing he could even think of saying especially with what he’s spewed out. Despite how normally yelling out problems made him feel better—
all this did was hurt. It hurt and he didn’t know why; didn’t know why there was a knot in his stomach and his eyes burned.
He was tired, of so many things- and yes, it was Green that made him spew it out, but the aftermath wasn’t what he wanted, he just wanted him to leave so he could get silence and calm down, but he knew Green wouldn’t do that. ]
“Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.“
[ He wants to say something else, apologise, and leave- but all he can do is stand there and watch as his hands begin to shake. His chest is tightening up and he can barely breathe—
but he’s brought this upon himself. He started this.
So he deserves it. ]
”W— will you just go away?! I don’t care— I— I don’t care!"
[ Thank Arceus for the stupid worn out hat he still wears… Hiding those stupid, stupid stupid tears that’re spilling down his face. ]
”I— I don’t care.”
( Tongue runs sour & fingers trace over the ring that hangs from his neck – grasps at it tighter & tighter until skin turns white & smells of metal; teeth press against the flesh of his cheek & he bites, bites hard – nothing should have been said. Shouldn’t have come here, shouldn’t have uttered that one ungodly name in his presence —-
He’s hurt & he wants to be hurt, wants to finally be pushed & shoved over the edge because that’s what he deserves; he’s a son of a bitch, a damned little human being & he knows that – everyone does, right? )
Wouldn’t expect you to.
( & his voice falters at the very last word; teeth grit & he’s done trying, done trying to cover up his snark with unwavering egotistical comments & ramblings, cover up that with undeniable pride.
